Shocking and Upsetting News

Backstory:  Lisa came up with a song about Hawaii at around 3 pm today (that’s her witching hour).
kara(4:20:05 PM): will you sing your Hawaii song tonight?
lisa (4:20:10 PM): god
lisa (4:20:15 PM): i dont’ even remember it anymore
lisa (4:20:18 PM): i just got burnt out
lisa (4:20:21 PM): too many requests
lisa (4:20:22 PM): ya know
lisa (4:20:28 PM): i kinda only want to do my new stuff now
kara (4:20:33 PM): fair
kara (4:20:47 PM): just don’t forget the hits that got you where you are
lisa (4:20:54 PM): of course
lisa (4:20:54 PM): but
lisa (4:21:05 PM): it’s important for me now to promote my current album
lisa(4:21:06 PM): so…
kara (4:21:40 PM): i understand
kara (4:22:00 PM): you’re gonna lose out though
kara(4:22:12 PM): the music business is not what it once was
lisa (4:22:20 PM): wait.
lisa (4:22:21 PM): really??
kara (4:22:39 PM): yeah – we’re really gonna have to build your brand as an artist first
lisa (4:22:47 PM): ugh
lisa (4:22:49 PM): but people know me
lisa (4:22:52 PM): people know who i am
lisae (4:22:54 PM): they want me
lisa (4:22:56 PM): me
lisa (4:22:57 PM): me
lisa (4:23:04 PM): hawaii was then
lisa (4:23:05 PM): this is now
kara (4:24:29 PM): i know
kara (4:24:55 PM): i worry though that with all the downloads that people can do – your record sales are not going to be what they once were
lisa (4:25:07 PM): this is shocking and upsetting news

Beach Bums

kara: let’s do a beach clean up
kyle: like- in the sun?
kyle: can we drink before/during/after?
kara: like – in the cool breezes of the morning
kyle: oh that sounds lovely
kara: do we have to be drunk to get thru EVERYTHING?
kyle: we don’t have to, but it sure helps
kara: picking up trash, drunk on the beach in the morning…..
kara: it’s like we’re bums
kyle: at least we wont have a metal detector
kyle: like loons
kara: mmmmmhhhmmmm

Donut Shop

Kara:  We should open a donut shop.

Lisa: Yes! Here!  People would love that.  Like, “shit, it’s so-and-so’s birthday, I totes forgot.  I’ll go down and get some donuts”.

Kara:  Yeah!  We can call it 2 Girls 2 Holes 2 Donuts.

Lisa:  Uh, Kar…

At The Doctor….

Dr.: Kara, you’re back…

Kara: Yes. My ear hurts again. I think it’s another infection. I think I need antibiotics.

Dr.: Are you a doctor?

Kara: No.

Dr.: Ok, let me look in your ear. Oh…well, see – that’s the problem.

Kara: What? An infection? I TOLD you.

Dr.: No. Wax.

Kara: EW.

We’re Back, and Kara’s Wearing a Poncho

kara: i think in 2011 i’m going to be more in touch with my mexican side
lisa: hahahahaha
kara: the Italian side is getting me nowhere
kara: tomorrow – hoop earrings.
kara: and maybe…….i’ll bust out my Selena (RIP) cd
lisa: THIS IS AMAZING
lisa: jamie anderson and i would have paid good money for this transformation years go
kara: i know
kara: i know
kara: it’s time now

Bring Your Kids To Work Day

lisa: i know this is a redic question, but…
lisa: are you going to this kids’ picnic?
kara: hell no
lisa: alright, cool
lisa: i didn’t want to seem like the only communist

Momsense

Fake Mom: I wanted to see SALT but now I don’t.

Kara: I don’t either. I’m against Angelina Jolie.

Fake Mom: Me too, now that I heard about her giving an invitation to her premiere to that spy!

Kara: What???

Fake Mom: I mean – why doesn’t she just go live in another country!

Kara: WHAT??? What are you talking about????????

Fake Mom: Well, I don’t know – but I heard something and it didn’t sound good!

Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of….Facebook?

Amy: This is an EMERGENCY!!!!!! Get over here NOW. My Facebook is stuck in Pirate Mode!

Forgetful Granny

Grandma: you’re engaged now – right?

Kara: No.

Grandma: but, you have a boyfriend. for a long time – right?

Kara: No.

Grandma: What’s wrong with your eye?

Kara: How many times are we going to have this oh-so-pleasant conversation, Grandma?

Grandma: I don’t know……..where is your engagement ring?

Kara: <sigh>

The Carpet Adds 200 Pounds

Kyle: Let me tell you how this day started – by me stepping on a scale (I really don”t ever do that) and finding out I weigh….

300 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I have an aneurysm and get off – and i know this cannot be true – I KNOW it is not right.

Kara: It can’t be!

Kyle: So I try it again…..300 pounds!!!!!!!!!!

Kyle: so I say to myself – Self, maybe you should not do this on the carpet.

Kara: OHHHHHHH

Kyle: Yes. So I moved it to the kitchen floor and all was well!